Blending Families

As I portrayed in my last posting I am from a blended family through divorce. However that is not the only part of my blended family. I have a step dad who legally became my father, his parents are divorced and both re-married and had other children, the woman his father married had also been in a previous marriage and had children with him as well. My mothers parents are divorced but neither got re-married. My biological father got re-married and had two more children with my step-mother. His mother was married three times. I have a couple aunts and uncles who have gotten a divorce and are now re-married as well.

So as you can see I am no to blended families, my family is full of step and half members. To make discussing easier though I will shorten it down to my family, in my whole family I have a mother, a father, a biological father, a step-mother, a full blooded brother who I live with, a half brother I live with, 2 half sisters that I dont live with, and another half brother that I dont live with. With so many half's and steps it is hard to keep track of it all!

But that doesnt matter because the way I was raised and the way my family is run, we dont see it that way. My dads step mother doesnt see me and my brother as her "step grandchildren" nor does she even see my dad as a step child. We are all family. I dont look at my younger brothers and sisters and think of them as my "half siblings" we are all family.

I know that I am very fortunate because I know a lot of families dont see it this way, I know that a lot of them see a clear division between blood and not  blood. There are a lot of issues that spring up because of this. Many children feel that they are not totally apart of the family there are in because they arent fully or at all blood related to their siblings. This can lead to exiling or bullying, when really your family are supposed to be the ones who protect you from that. I have seen kids like this and have seen terrible things emotionally. Many may end up leaving the home or after adulthood not speaking to the family.

To me anyway I see it, it is whether you are used to having this mother, or sibling or father why make it harder than it has to be?! Learn to love your family because in the end they are all that you have. Let a sister be a sister and a son be a son and not stick labels on everyone to determine how much we should love them.

Fathers

Fathers are subject that are very important to me because I have grown up with father issues in my life. My mom and dad got divorced when I was very young but luckily my mom got re-married when I was only a year old. My biological father was not much of a father to my brother and I and it really effected me as a child and even now into adulthood. However my step father who later adopted my brother and I is the best father a person could ask for.

Being lucky enough to see both sides of the spectrum I believe I have a unique outlook on fathers. Speaking first of only my biological father when I was a child I believe he didnt love or care for me even though we (sometimes) saw him every other weekend. As a child your parents are like super hero's and you look up to them so much so seeing how he didn't spend a lot of time with us and how he never parented us I was crushed. This has lead me to many problems today such as trust issues with men still having the insecurities that my own father doesnt like me and others that have been explained by children in the same circumstances.

I just thank my Father in Heaven that I have my other dad, who I believe is my real own. He has supported me and nurtured me just like a father should, he is not without his own imperfections but I love him so much. I cant imagine what my families life would have been like without him, he treats meas his own and it has always been that way. And because of him I think that the effects my biological father has done to me was very much lessened.

A lot of the focus is often put on mothers and how they are so important for children and I feel that a lot of dads dont know how important they really are! Just because the wife is home with the children doesnt mean you arent a huge part of there everyday lives. You teach your sons how to be men and your daughters how to be treated. To quote John Meyer in his song daughters "Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do", you teach your children important lessons everyday.

So let us applause those father out there who truly love and cherish their children and know their own worth.
Thanks dad.

Family Under Stress

We have been talking about family stress in class and I didnt realize there was so much to having stress in the family! I hadn't thought that even if there isn't something that is directly by the family if someone even in the house has stress it put pressure on the whole family! When a person is under a lot of stress or the family is under a lot of stress it demands that some sort of temporary adjustment be made to fix it, sometimes it is a permanent change. We have to be open to change as a family even if it is harder for the rest of to make someone elses burdens light!

Compassion and positivity are the best way to cope, if we do that we are turning towards each other rather than away from each other. Stress with either make you "Bitter or Better"  its all about where you put the "I". Be the difference in your family to help everyone cope better. You are not a victim be pro-active!